Wednesday, February 20, 2008

In Love?

March 2, 1892
Dear Diary,
Today I fell in love.


These words compelled me to pick up this small gold-rimmed book from one of the shelves while roaming around in Borders the other day. But, these words were also the reason for me to put it down on the shelf after two seconds.

I wonder if we really know when we fall in love. How can the writer or the character be so sure of the exact time and date when she fell in love? Is it so easy to describe the most complex feeling one has in just two short words? You can't just get up one day and decide that you are in love or you are going to be in love. It just doesn’t work that way.

This is the biggest dilemma of the young adults of our age. We so badly want to associate with someone that we usually force ourselves to either fall in love with someone or to deceive ourselves in believing that we are in love with a particular person.

Falling in love or being in love is one’s life’s most important decision and experience. Usually life revolves around it—we revolve around that person. Why are we so hasty in making the most important decision of our lives? Why the first person who shows some care is the person we decide to spend our lives with? I do understand that it is hard to resist the care and kindness but we need to keep in mind that the consideration one is offering you might not be for forever. We need to understand that probably the other person is not as emotionally involved as we are.

A good relationship is the one in which both partners/spouses bring the best out of each other. A good relation is the one in which you not only have fun but you know (notice it's not “think”, it's "Know") you can count on one another for support. A relation where you can be a complete and total mess but the other is still willing to accept you and love you.

Do you see yourself pretending in front of your partner? Do you feel pressurized into doing something that you don’t really feel like doing? It can be something as simple as watching a particular type of movie or staying up late at night. Do you, at times feel that you are overly criticized or overly praised? Do you question their or your own credibility? Do you feel afraid that they will probably cheat on you if they had a chance? Do you think you can't be yourself in front of your partner most of the times? Have you faced certain times when you were not able to count on them or you didn’t feel comfortable doing so? If you answered YES to even one of these questions then let me tell you that there is something seriously WRONG with the relationship you are in.

Half of the time we know exactly how the other feels about us but we deceive ourselves into believing that everything is going well. Half the couples that I see breaking up, they will confess at one point or another that they knew for a long time that things were not going well.

Why are you so afraid? Is that person the only person who will ever love you? Are you afraid that you will never find love again? Is your self esteem so low that you are willing to put up with someone who really doesn’t care about you? The person who has left you when you needed them the most or worse yet, left you for someone else and you are still crying over it? Why are you so pathetic? I am not willing to cry over people who have treated me badly and neither am I going to stick around in a relationship which doesn’t give both of us happiness. The ultimate goal of life is Happiness. We are with a person because he makes us happy and because we make them happy; if you are not happy there is no point. It's better to live alone and free than put up with an idiot for the rest of your life.

…And love, I've come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day. It is not a NEED. It is not a WANT. It should never be those things. I am sure we all are better than that.

Stop. Think. Evaluate.
It's about time you do or you will cry for the rest of your life.

-Raajii.blogspot

2 comments:

Artster said...

I think a scientific rendering of love would take the magic away - I don't think love can be evaluated, weighed against pros and cons or dissected.

Well written though - you make a strong point.

Felcy said...

I actually enjoyed reading through this posting.Many thanks.

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