Friday, February 1, 2008

A Lucid Dream

What is happiness to you? I wonder.

If you ask me what happiness is, I would tell you that happiness is right in this very moment. This moment, which is beautiful and pure. This very moment when you sit right next to me, with your legs crossed, and eyes focused on your notebook in your lap. Your mind thinking about nothing but how to solve the logic problem you are working on. You scratch your head from time to time and pinch the pencil in your teeth while drowning yourself deeper into thoughts. A frown appears on your forehead when you struggle with something or get annoyed by my peculiar way of typing and the key strokes causing distraction. I try not to cause any more distractions for you, as I am loving you this very moment- the way you are looking, the way you are sitting and the way various expressions come and go your face. I want this moment to last forever.

In every life there are moments that bring it definition.
Indeed.

It's strange how we have always been able to get comfortable with one another, like an old couple who know each other very well. They say, young love and friendships can’t stand the silence, it wants to talk, to do something, to keep itself busy and that is the only way they find to attract each other. However, when any relation matures, it doesn’t require those things to keep it interested. I tend to believe that we have reached that point or are getting there. I like it. It is more comforting than anything else. You might not think the same way but I like to fantasize, and no matter what you do or what happens, these fantasies can't really stop. I love you and I know I will always love you whether we stay together or not, whether we even see each other again or not.

Last night, I sneaked in just to watch you sleeping. I love it when you are fast asleep and I can have you all to myself. However, you did not seem to be at peace. I expected you to be but you weren’t. There was anger on your face accentuated with some pain and though you were fast asleep I could feel your body in a very uncomfortable state. I wonder if you ever sleep peacefully. May be you did once. I hope you do again. It hurts me to see you like that. I wish I could just absorb all your pain . I know we both do.

Peeking from behind the screen, I see you and this time you see me too. You wonder if I am sleepy, tired or just bored. I assure you that I am working and totally comfortable. I wish I could tell you how happy and satisfied I am at this moment because you are here. I wouldn’t ask anything more from you. I know you wouldn’t be able to give me that and, I know you won’t be able to give me these moments again either. Things are unpredictable. Things have always been unpredictable. That is why I want to see you and preserve this very moment in my memory forever because this is happiness for me.

I get a friendly pat on my head from you and suddenly I feel sleepy. Not because I am tired but I am at peace. It happens when you are around. Its the trust and comfort that have developed over the course of these miraculous years.

So, I will sleep. I will sleep in this happy moment, whispering under my breath those three little words,

“I Love You”.

Yes, I do.

-Raajii

3 comments:

Nabeel said...

the title .. it reminds me of the company in vanilla Sky (movie) .. Lucid Dreams.

soumya mukerji said...

Sweet... really sweet :)

d SINNER!!! said...

just the right expressions...

:)nice wrk...